Antidepressants… revisited

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So many thoughts on my mind tonight about depression and antidepressants, so bear with me while I try to get my thoughts clearly into words…

First, I am overwhelmingly sad about the death of Robin Williams.  No, I didn’t KNOW him personally but he just seems like a part of my “inner circle”. I’ve seen nearly all of his movies (most more than once); I’ve seen his comedy routines; I loved watching his interviews on late-night talk shows and hearing about his community activities.  I’ve dealt with depression and I know how lonely it is.  I am just so thankful that my depression was never so deep and dark that death seemed my only way out.  I am sad for Robin because I can only imagine how dark and deep his depression was and how strong the “demons” must have been that he was fighting.

What really surprises me though is this…when  I think of Robin and his family I get teary.  Let me repeat that… I.get.teary!  That might not seem like a big deal to you but for the past 11+ years, I didn’t “get teary.”  I have spent so much time taking antidepressants that I had become emotionally “flat”… no significant fluctuation in emotions; well, perhaps there were lows and there were angry moments, but no significant sympathetic emotions nor overwhelming joy.  I had forgotten how it felt to cry with and for someone.  I am so glad to have these emotions back!

On a side note, a Facebook friend shared this website about Norm MacDonald’s tribute to Robin Williams via Twitter; it brought me to tears.  I encourage you to take a moment to read it.

Second, I had a wonderful opportunity last week to see my favorite Christian band, Third Day, in concert at Unity Christian Music Festival in Muskegon, MI!  (Many thanks to my mom for the tickets!!  :-)  )  I love Third Day!  I love how they can bring thousands of people together and have the most awesome evening of church that you have ever participated in!!  I was so overwhelmed in the Spirit that I think I cried through nearly the whole show!!  Yes, you read that correctly, I CRIED through nearly the whole show!  Again, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, taking antidepressants had left me so emotionally and spiritually flat that I haven’t felt that moved by the Spirit in a long time!!  I have a good prayer life and I can discern when the Spirit is leading me to do (or not do) something, but I hadn’t FELT God moving in me in quite a long time.  I thought I was just spiritually flat from being a busy, tired mom and I beat myself up for not being in the Word enough (which would certainly give me a closer faith journey).  However, I now think that this spiritual flatness was also affected by the antidepressants.  Regardless, I am just glad to be “back” and to be reconnected with all my emotions!!

I feel a responsibility here to say this:  if you are feeling depressed, or if you are feeling depressed to the point of hurting yourself… please, please seek out someone to talk to.  No, it is not easy to seek out that help, boy don’t I know that, but you must do it!!  Do not struggle through this alone!!  Call a friend, call a crisis hot line, go to the emergency room… just reach out to someone!!

Stay healthy…

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